whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
