He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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