508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
