he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
