Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
