it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't turn off my feet"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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