Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
