I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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