Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
