hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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