you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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