dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
