People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
