Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
