I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
