my room smells like sperm. sweet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
