i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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