did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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