she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
