just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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