I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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