I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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