Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
