there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
