I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
