so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
