Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
