I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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