Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
