paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
