girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
