super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
