I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
