# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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