Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
