I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
