I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
