Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
