white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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