Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
