I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
