Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found puke in my bra..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
