Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i now understand why vodka
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
