So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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