Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
