I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
