It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
