I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
