remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
