Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
