Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
