I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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