i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
