I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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