I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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