Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
