There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
