I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
