then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
