I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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