I smell stomach acid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You need Xanax blowdarts
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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