I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
