I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
